The Root of the Issue

September 9, 2011

I have flaws.
Please don’t be so surprised. It happens to the best of us. I’m working on improving these imperfections of myself and turns out it’s not as easy as I thought.
One of my bigger flaws that I have gotten better about is trying not to let others get to me.
I don’t worry too much about what someone thinks of me if it’s superficial but yesterday I was really offended by what a girl said to me and it made me think: Why am I really upset? What is the root of the issue?
Yesterday afternoon a client had brought cookies for the office. As I was walking up with everyone I noticed one of the girls cutting a few in half(they were large, but I still wanted a full one). I sarcastically(kinda) said, “why aren’t we getting a full cookie?” Her reply was, “you don’t need a full one.” and proceeded to cut the half in half and give me a 1/4 of the cookie.
This made me angry, hurt, and embarrassed. I took my quarter of a cookie and thought about it the remainder of the day. I couldn’t get over how rude she was about it and didn’t understand what she meant. Did she think I was fat, had I done something to offend her previously, did she just want the cookies for herself? All these questions kept popping up in my mind and I left work feeling really bad about myself.
When I got home I took Harper on a long walk and used the walk as my time to answer the main question in my head that kept coming to mind. Why am I really upset?
Usually when people make comments that have anything to do about my weight, what I eat, or how I look I don’t let it get to me, but I was really taken aback. I don’t usually let my insecurities get the best of me but this time was different. This time I was hurt because somewhere in my head I thought it was true.
I’ve been really good about running and working out in general so my fitness isn’t lacking, but I still have some areas that I still can’t seem to fix. I dislike my mid section and my thighs, like most women, and feel like I’ve hit a wall. I go to BodyPump two times a week, run or do some type of cardio five times a week, eat fruits and veggies, etc.  All the things I’m supposed to do and still nothing.
I feel defeated in my efforts and that is why I was upset. I wasn’t upset because I was told I only need 1/4 of an awful cookie(maybe it was a blessing because it was nasty). I was upset because she said what I think to myself when I’m feeling insecure.
I always get such great compliments from Travis, my friends and family about how proud they are of me, but I have to believe it for myself. I am my biggest critic, but I also need to be my biggest advocate.
Sorry for such a Debbie Downer post, but I know that I’m not the only one that can relate to feeling down on themselves and wanted to share.
I will leave you with a picture of Harper to cheer you up;)

I love to eat wood. It helps my girlish figure!

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